How to Form Relationships with Deities (aka A Thank You to Hekate)

I am on many Facebook groups, like many people, and on one of my Hekate groups, someone asked about how thy formed a relationship with Hekate. I realized that my lengthy Faecebook response might help others, so I am posting it here. The advice below was originally for one deity, but the techniques and ideas can be applied to any deity. The picture I am using is from Jeff Cullen’s statue of Hekate. His work can be found on I wanted to give him special mention, because not only is he a great artist and person, but it is a statue of Hekate that he made that I won, and that started me on the path to knowing her. Thanks, Jeff!


“Welcome to being touched by Hekate. For me, my introduction to her was winning a Hekate themed box at a Pagan Pride Celebration around 15 years ago. I did not know much about her to be quite honest. I just knew that I was drawn to her in a way that Icould not explain. I had been Pagan for over 10 years at that point and had worked with many different gods. Notice I say “worked with” instead of worshiped. Coming from a Christian background, I felt no need to give subservience to a deity that I did not have a good relationship with. That being said, I honor and respect Hekate in ways that I cannot even begin to communicate, and I pray to her at lest once a day.


I think the best way to look at working with a deity is in terms of building a relationship. This relationship can be as simple or multi-layered as a mentor or a friend, or even a foster sister or mother figure coming to your life. I give examples of all these relationships, because your relationship with Hekate is as unique and special to you as your relationship with any human entity. For me I’ve had relationships with deities that have been more like divine siblings or best friends, or more of a teacher/guide/confidant (and much more) like Hekate. As with any relationship the most important thing is respect. Approach here with respect, and perhaps reverence, joy and mirth, or even wonder or awe.


I would say starting out and building a relationship with Hekate will be useful to build an altar. Do not get hung up on having statues or symbols that are complex or pricey. Do what you can, when you can, she will understand this. Think of this as you preparing a room for her in your heart and mind. If you can, having images (pictures or statues), objects, incense, symbols or anything sacred to her can be used as ways to connect to her. Think back to those memes you may have seen of “ if I was being summoned what objects would you put in the circle”. I would not say that you are summoning her, but I would use the proper occult term of evoke (as in calling something spiritual to a place outside of yourself versus “invoke” which would be calling a force though you and into you). Many times the term “evoke” is used with a sense of command as if someone is evoking a demon to do a specific task, but we do not need to have such a patriarchal and toxic paradigm of magick (to that effect at least one Goetic demon is actually a goddess). In this case I would view “evoke” as more evoking a mood. Please let me explain.


The thing a lot of people will not, or cannot convey, in working with deities and having a relationship is that there needs to be an energetic connection. By energy, I mean the type of energy that is used in magick..the type of energy you feel when you go into a room and feel the mood has changed if people were arguing in, etc. When we’re dealing with humans, it’s easy to have an energetic connection. As read my words, and that of others on this post, you’re forming an energetic connection with us. If you were talking back and forth with us, this energetic connection would be more both ways. If we were all friends, and we were all having coffee or tea or dinner as a group, we would have lots of energy built up from conversation and sharing time.


Energy is shaped by intention, attention, and emotion or mood- so evoking a specific mood and energy is a clear and simple way to foster a direct and palpable relationship with any deity. Treat her as if you would a loved one. Do everything from talk to her, leave offerings for her, share a meal on her feast day, light candles or incense, etc. Now for this to be more of a two-way relationship I would invite you to think of the paradigm of “meditation verses prayer” as in prayer would be more about reaching outside of yourself and connecting externally to the deity, while meditation would be more sitting in stillness waiting to be reflective (please practice prayer or meditation n your own way, but I hope I am conveying my point). The communication you received from Hekate could be in symbols, hearing words when you close your eyes, it could be in dreams, or it could just be in feeling a certain energy and those energies remind you of different things in your life. A lot of this depends upon your ability to connect with subtle energy and how you work with receiving information in non-ordinary ways.


Enjoy getting to know Hekate. This is a special time. This is not just about getting to know perhaps one of the most important deities that is coming into your life, but it is learning about yourself. Blessings upon you on your journey. Here is an adaptation of prayer I use in my personal practice. I give this as an example. There is no dogma in Paganism/polytheism. What matters most is what feels right and how it helps improve your life and become the person you wish to grow into.


Hail Hekate!
Goddess of the Crossroads,
Keeper of Keys,
Bearer of the Torches hat Light the Way,
Thank you for your blessings, your guidance, and your love.
Watch over me every day, and please help guide me
To become my best self and closer to you.
Blessed be to Hekate!
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